I have extra minutes today to sit here and ask that God hear my prayers and guides me with his presence.  I need peace to come over my family and into my home. I pray that he hears me in Jesus name. Amen

So a very good friend of mine has referred a very good job my way today. Problem is summer months are approaching and who is going to watch my little one? Too bad all the years I was home raising my older two daugthers they can't give up a few days to help with the little one. If I get this job I can afford an apartment. Apartments here in south Florida are very expensive. Then newer nicer ones anyways. Forget renting a  house or attempting to buy something.  I don't have the money for that. I raise my girls on my own with not child support from the dads. Somehow God has always provided or my mom or dad helped with so much over the years. Unfortunately I am going to be homeless soon. Not sure where I will be laying my head at night. I wrote earlier that my ex was not paying child support. He is not. He hasn't for almost one year now. He lost his drivers license and is soon headed to jail unless he comes up with a certain amount.  Found out he was collecting food stamps from the government claiming his daughter lived with him. Imagine that?  I still don't know how good people all over the world struggle or suffer loss or hardship and criminals walk free.
I know that in life there is a thing called Karma. Do good things and good things will happen do bad things and bad things will happen. I always try to do good. I try and teach my children to do right by others. To always go the extra step to be thankful and appreciate what others bring to your life.  I am not perfect, I complain and sometimes forget what really matters too but I would never hurt someone just to hurt them.  I would never blame my wrongs on others. I own up to my faults and I break down when things go wrong.

I don't read the bible but i know that God is a good presence in our lives. If you put all faith in him things will be ok. I know if I end up on the street or living out of my car, God will provide the means to get by.  I dont think he will magically make gasoline appear in my car or magically put food in my belly but I think he he will give me the tools I need to do those things. This time in my life is just a stepping stone. It is temporary. I know with patience and prayer things will be ok.  Growing up a Buffalo Bills fan, (don't judge me) I learned that you can go to the super bowl and lose, you can go again if you try and you still may lose, I don't think even Jesus imagined you would lose a third time, but it happens.  Who would have ever thought that Jim Kelly #12 the all time QB would end up in a hospital bed fighting for his own life. He is a man of faith. He understands that this is what God has chosen for him. The Kelly family had already suffered a great loss, but did they give up? No, they still have faith that the things they are going thru are what God has intended.  I am not saying that God wanted Jim Kelly to get cancer, but he did want them to remain in faith and they have. I dont know all the right scriptures or even the name of most of the people in the bible. But I do believe in a higher being and that being is God.

Three wet dogs are calling me from Blogging...Have a blessed night everyone.

The inspiration behind this blog is coming from a woman who recently lost a son. She has been such a inspiration to me because she is so strong in faith. I don't know if something like that ever happened to me if I would be able to stay so strong in faith. I find it so hard to stay in faith. To see that all these things that seem to happen in life only seem to happen to me and why me? That is what I find myself saying sometimes but then I think of this woman. I think of if she can lose a child and still be understanding of God for the time she did have with her son, then I can can be understanding for the problems in my life.  Realistically it is just a period in time that will pass. Life is not a book that you can read and understand. If only it was. If only you could pick up your life's book at the local book store and skip the chapters we didn't like and read the ending first maybe to even see if it is a book worth reading. My life is not better than anyone elses.  My life is not worse than others.  I know my life is exactly the life that God intended me to live. I know that the trials and tribulations that I am facing are the ones that God has wanted me to face. This woman that has inspired me to write a blog is someone I have never even met. Actually I wasn't even reading her story until she lost her son.  Because her story impacted my home town I was made aware of it.  Because her strong faith in God and her son's passing I then started to connect. I now find my self waiting for more posts from her. Feeding somehow off her strength. I can not help but think if this woman can endure such sorrow and be so strong in her beliefs, then maybe God was speaking to me through her.  Maybe God is speaking to me now and encouraging me to tell others my story and encouraging me to be strong in faith. To reach out to the Lord. To trust in him and put all my faith in him that he will see me through all my troubles no matter how great they are. If my faith and my strength is 1/2 as strong as this woman I refer to then maybe just maybe I will be saved as well.

Recently I had to go to child support court with my childs father. All the while I waited in that hallway with all these strangers I prayed. I held a small pocket size cross in my hand and I prayed a simple prayer that I googled. I simply typed in the words prayer for strength. I just now googled the same thing looking for that simple prayer that helped me during that stressful time and instead of finding it I found another. This must be the place that God wants me to start my story.

Prayer for Strength in Ending a Toxic Relationship

Dear God, I have loved well but not too wisely. I’ve given my heart to someone who has not honored that gift and I realize this relationship does not serve either of us. Please give me the courage and strength to end this relationship gracefully. Help me to forgive, heal and move on with my life so that I may open the door to new happiness. Amen

God never wanted me to be unhappy. God never wanted me to be suffering and worried and living in such stress. God wanted me to breath the fresh air he gave us to breath. To enjoy the beautiful creations he has planted her on earth. You know Butterflies are a great example as to our lives her on earth. We are born from a egg. We crunch and munch all our lives as caterpillars only to born in heaven as a beautiful butterfly. I really believe that our time to fly and spread our wings and live again is in heaven.  Being a christian I believe that God has better things in store for us, but in order to reach those things we have to first crunch and munch ourselves towards that glorious transformation. 

-Lori

This face is silly and goofy and real. She is only a little peanut.  Big brown eyes and full head of brown curly hair. I never seen myself as a blogger. Someone who would put her whole life on blast for anyone to read. Until the world went  Blue for Ben. Reading his mothers inspirational words of encouragement gave me an idea.  Why wait until the unthinkable happens to tell people about your life and what is going on or to ask for help. Why not just tell the world what is going on and hope for someone to connect with your situation in hopes that God brings you together and things change. Would it be different if someone made a difference? I think inspirational stories sometimes don't mean to be inspirational but if one person can change the way people think then that one person listened.  My story isn't a medical issue but my story is a personal issue.  My story is one that started over a decade ago and continues every day.